


Beautiful Disaster

by PotatoFoF



Series: It's a basket case world [2]
Category: AKB48
Genre: Angst, Crack, F/F, Fluff, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Summaries, Old Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:30:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25090147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotatoFoF/pseuds/PotatoFoF
Summary: Haruna's POV in Basket Case fic.
Relationships: Itano Tomomi/Takahashi Minami, Kojima Haruna/Shinoda Mariko
Series: It's a basket case world [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1804159
Kudos: 1





	1. My Roommate.

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to separate this to Mariko's POV  
> Old fic that I've decided to finish and archive.

  
  
“Thank you for driving me to Akihabara University, Oshima-san.” I said as I turned to look at the person beside me behind the steering wheel. A smile quickly made its way to her lips, her dimples deepened as she kept her eyes on the road. Seeing that, I can’t help myself but smile as well.  
  
“I told you before, it’s no big deal.” She tells me as she glanced at me for a second then turned to look back on the road. “I owe your Grandfather a lot, so this is just a little payback for what he did to me in the past.”  
  
“St-still—”  
  
She turned to face me for a moment, giving me a firm gaze despite the smile on her face. “Like I said; No. Big. Deal. It’s fine Nyan-Nyan.”  
  
Hearing her call me Nyan-Nyan, I looked away from her and let out a sigh. “I…I wish you don’t c-call me that, Oshima-san.”  
  
“And I wish you don’t call me that as well.” Was her quick reply. “But we can’t have everything we want now, right Nyan-Nyan?”  
  
I hesitantly glanced at her, not surprised when I saw her grinning behind the steering wheel, eyes glinting with mischief. Seeing her like that, I can’t help but let out another soft sigh, my eyes slowly making its way to hands that were on my lap. It wasn’t that I didn’t like what she calls me. It just that…when she calls me that, it feels like she’s making fun of me. And somehow, I was right as she spoke up once again, causing me to look back at her.  
  
“Like I said a while back; you remind me of a cat, so calling you Nyan-Nyan seems fitting.”  
  
“I d-don’t get how I remind you of a cat.” I mumbled, frowning a little. I watch her as she glanced at me for a second then looked ahead, chuckling.  
  
“Well for one thing, you’re cute as a cat especially when you’re pouting like that.”  
  
“I…I don’t think c-cats pout.” I mumbled before biting my lower lip just so I could stop myself from pouting like she said I was doing.  
  
“Well, you’re a special cat then since you can.” She replied after she chuckled some more. Letting out another sigh, I turned my head towards the window to quietly watch the scenery pass by. Somehow, looking out the window made me think back on my Grandfather, how he looked worried for me as we stood by the porch, saying our goodbyes. A part of me could tell that he didn’t want me to go. That he wanted me to stay. I can’t blame him because there’s a part of me that feels the same way.  
  
I didn’t want to go.  
  
I clenched my fist tight, frowning at the window as I silently berate myself from being a coward. As much as I didn’t want to go, I have to will myself to go because…I have to. This is…this is for my future as well. I can’t just stay at home all my life and do nothing. That isn’t what I want. I want to be somebody. I want to be able to interact to other people normally. I want to have lots of friends. Hopefully, people who are close to my age. And if I’m lucky enough and they would come to like me, maybe we can turn out to be friends. Maybe even best friends. Or maybe, as time goes by, maybe it can turn out to be something more than that. Something more than being friends and best friends.  
  
Something like……?  
  
With an ironic smile on my lips, I pushed my glasses up the bridge of my nose, thinking how absurd that thought was. Who am I kidding? Like someone would like me like that. I mean, look at me. I’m just…plain and boring. I don’t even know how to take care of myself like most girls my age do. I have a somewhat frizzy hair. I don’t wear make-up. I wear thick rimmed glasses. My clothes are completely outdated and…apparently to Oshima-san, I look like a cat. Though she said it’s cute, but still…I’m a mess. A complete mess. So…who would ever want to be my friend? Much more, to be with me?  
  
Who would even dare to fall in love with a mess like me?  
  
No one. I’m sure.  
  
“A thousand yen for your thoughts.” Oshima-san says. Glancing at her, I found her to be doing the same, that familiar playful grin on her lips. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop. You’ll be fine. I’m sure of it.” She assures me, causing me to turn to her fully.  
  
“Y-You can tell what I was th-thinking?” I asked feeling a bit amazed. I know Oshima-san is a Psychiatrist, but can a Psychiatrist easily read people’s minds? Is it really that easy for them to tell what it is that one person is thinking?  
  
Probably noticing the confusion on my face, Oshima-san let out a soft chuckle while she covers her lips a little with the back of her hand. “I may be a Psychiatrist, but I’m not a mind reader. Given your situation, it’s not that hard to guess what’s inside your head. You really don’t need to be a Psychiatrist to be able to see or tell what you feel.” She tells me as she glanced at me for a second.  
  
I pursed my lips and turned to look away from her, hands clutching my oversized skirt. “W-well, given my situation, I guess…it can’t be helped that I…that I’m nervous about going to c-college.”  
  
“True. But you really shouldn’t worry much. I mean, you’ll be fine.”  
  
I glanced at her through the corner of my eye, biting my lip as I do so. I wasn’t surprised to find her smiling, looking ahead as she drives.  
  
“Just be yourself and you’ll be fine.” She added with a nod, glancing at me for a second before looking back ahead. My eyes made its way back to my hands that was clutching my skirt. A moment later, I let out a sigh as I turned to look out the window. Just be myself…but…that’s my main problem. Given how I am and how I look…  
  
…I don’t think people will like me for being me.  
  
  
___  
  
  
“Here we are.” Oshima-san says as she placed a box on the table. Ignoring the whisper from behind as a two women passed by the room, I walked inside the room with my suitcase on tow.  
  
“Y-you didn’t have to help me and c-come up, Oshima-san.” I tell her as stood in the middle of the room, watching her as she pulls out my things from the box and place them on the table. Feeling embarrassed at what she’s doing, I took a step forward, trying to stop her. “Um…I…I can do that myself. Y-you don’t need to—“  
  
“Nyan-Nyan, you should close the door.” She tells me without looking as she continues to pull out my stuff from the box. I stood there for a while, just watching her mumble amongst herself as she looks confusedly at the picture of St. Francis of Assisi, one of my favorite Saints. She looks at it for a moment then turned her confused gaze towards me. I quickly looked away, my face burning at her gaze.  
  
I know…I’m weird.  
  
Biting my lower lip, I decided to follow her order as I walked towards the opened door without a word. Halfway through the door, I see two girls looking at me. I instantly froze as their eyes sized me up, scrutinizing me with their amused gaze that traveled from my head to toe. I watch feeling torn as a smirk formed unto their lips as their eyes once again reached mine. As if their smirks weren’t enough to torment me, one of them let out a biting chuckle as she pulled her companion away while her eyes continue to lock into mine for a second, silently mocking me with her gaze. I clenched my jaw tight as my eyes slowly made its way to the floor, my eyes burning to let out the tears that had formed in my eyes.  
  
I know…I’m weird.  
  
“Seriously Nyan-Nyan…” I hear Oshima-san groan, causing me to wake up from my musings. “…How many pictures of Saints have you got in here?”  
  
Wiping the little tear that had fallen from my eyes, I slowly closed the door and walked back towards her. She turned to look at me, hand on her waist as she gives me a stern gaze. It was only for a second though as her stern gaze was quickly replaced by concern. Her hands slowly slides down to rest on her side as she took a step forward.  
  
“Are you…okay, Nyan-Nyan?” She asks as she frowns. Despite the pain inside me, I gave her a smile, trying to somehow convince her that everything is fine.  
  
Even though…it’s not.  
  
“I-I’m fine. Just…I guess I’m just g-getting nervous again.” Was my half-truth, half lie answer. I try to keep my smile in place as she looked at me for a moment, looking like she’s trying to determine if I’m lying or not. My right hand—that was on my side—subtly took hold of my skirt as I nervously wait for her reply. And when she did, I can’t help but let out a sigh of relief, thankful that she somewhat believes me. Yes, somewhat as I think a larger part of her doesn’t believe me. It was obvious by her forced smile she was showing me.  
  
“Don’t worry about it too much. Again, you’ll be fine. Have faith.”  
  
“Y-yes. You’re right.” I replied as I lowered my head, eyes downcast to the floor.  
  
“But then again, I actually don’t need to tell you to have faith. I mean, just having all these just…screams the word faith.” She says with a chuckle. Keeping my gaze on the floor, I notice her turn back to look at the things she placed on the table. Glancing at her, I noticed her looking confusedly at the Bible on her hand while her other hand scratches the back of her head. A genuine smile graced my lips upon seeing it. Somehow, despite how embarrassing it is for her to help me with these stuff, I’m glad Oshima-san is here with me. Despite our age differences, I’m glad I have at least one person whom I could call as a friend. Maybe just having one friend is enough for me.  
  
Surely, I don’t need lots of friends, right?  
  
My pleadings for her to stop unpacking my stuff went unheard to Oshima-san as she continuously pull out most of my stuff out of the boxes I brought. I felt embarrassed that she’s helping me when it felt like she had done enough by driving me here. However, she was persistent, telling me that it was fine and that she doesn’t have any other things planned for the rest of the day. I almost believed her and decided to just let her help. But then her phone rang suddenly and without thinking, she picked it up and answered it. Words like ‘later’ ‘okay’ ‘I’ll be there in a while’ could be heard as Oshima-san growled at the receiver. After a moment of talking, a sigh left her lips as she closed her phone. She turned to after that and gave me an apologetic smile. Seeing her look at me like that, I instantly knew what it is she’s trying to tell me. With a smile, I shook my head and told her,  
  
“It’s okay. I-I can manage this by myself.”  
  
Another sigh once again escaped her lips as she walked towards me. She stood in front of me for a moment until she placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently as she smiled at me.  
  
“You’ll be fine okay? Just remember to just be yourself.” She tells me softly. I could only stare at her dumbfounded as her other hand made its way to my other shoulder. “Don’t mind what other people may think about you. You are who you are and that itself is amazing. Believe me.”  
  
And as she looked at me with a soft, sincere smile on her face, I did believe her. I know she can see that as I see her dimples deepened as she smiled widely at me. Oshima-san is right. I am what I am and I shouldn’t let what other people think get me down. Besides, I’m sure there are nice people around here as well that aren’t judgmental.  
  
Hopefully, my roommate would be one.   
  
After assuring Oshima-san that I’ll be fine and thanking her non-stop, she finally bid farewell, waving her hand excitedly as she gave me a smile. I waved back, giving her a smile as well as I promised to come visit her in the Psychology Department once I’ve settled down. Her smile beamed at that, telling me that she’ll expect me to visit her soon then as she pointed at me and gave me a wink. Nodding my head in reply, I watch her as she gave me a nod then slowly closed the door, leaving me with my things scattered around. I turned to look at the mess that Oshima-san and I had created, keeping the smile on my face. I hope my roommate would get here after I tidied things up. That way, I can help her with her things as well. I believe that being nice to people and being helpful would make them warm up to you. I hope with that thought, my roommate would warm up to me then because if there’s one person that I hope would be my friend…  
  
…it’s definitely my roommate.


	2. Words aren't enough.

“Freakin Scrooge incarnate. Always killing joys in the world. Like it wouldn’t kill you to have some fun every now and then!” I watch a few steps behind Minegishi-san as she mumbled her frustrations. She suddenly stopped causing me to do so as well. I tilted my head, wondering why she—  
  
“SCROOGE HER!” Was her sudden outburst, surprising me. I took a step forward, feeling a bit worried as she began groaning and scratching her hair with both her hands. Sh-should I—  
  
“Can you believe her?!” She asked as she quickly turned to face me, startling me enough that my body convulsed a little. She glared at me, unaware that her hair is in disarray from her actions earlier. “What kind of bestfriend wouldn’t want to go around the campus with me?!” She stomped her feet. Few passersby seem to notice as they glanced at us. A weird look. Shaking of heads. A biting laugh. I know despite Minegishi’s messy hair…  
  
…it was all for my benefit.  
  
 _"…you’ll be fine. Have faith.”_  
  
My clasped hands tightened while I bit my lower lip, eyes lowered to the ground.  
  
Oshima-san…  
  
“I’m sorry…” Whispered words followed by a breathy sigh. I turned to look at Minegishi-san who seemed uncomfortable, her hand holding her forearm as her eyes side glanced to a group of women talking a far. “Didn’t mean to shout at you. I was just—“  
  
“No.” I quickly tell her. “P-please don’t apologize. Y-you did not do anything wrong.” This is clearly a misunderstanding. I shouldn’t have…  
  
She wore a frown, looked to be unconvinced of my plea. “Are you sure? You look like a wounded puppy just a second ago.” She pointed.  
  
I bit my lower lip, fighting the urge not to frown as I remember how Oshima-san compared me to a cat earlier. Now it looks like I’m a puppy as well.   
  
_"No, I believe that's not Casper the religious ghost we're seeing.”_  
  
To my roommate, Shinoda-san though, I am…a religious ghost named Casper…? Who is Casper? More importantly, am I really like those? A ghost…an animal…  
  
…Can I not just be…me?  
  
A sudden noise near me snapped me out of my musings as someone quickly walks past me. Blinking a few times, I turned my gaze to the ground and saw an empty can of soda rolling its way near my feet. Without any second thought, I picked it up and began and looked at the person who dropped it. A man wearing what appears to be headphones continues to walk, seemingly uncaring of the can he dropped. He probably dropped it in purpose.   
  
Like he doesn’t…care…  
 _  
“With how the world continuously develops, one would think the world would move forward. But things are going backwards nowadays Haruna. Wars are happening and crimes continuously increases.” My Grandfather tells me as we watch a broadcast of a conflict in the middle east. “People do not care anymore. They have forgotten the good in them. They have forgotten about God and I do not wish for that to happen to you.”  
  
I turned to look at him, his eyes stay rooted at the bright screen. I clasped my hands tight unable to tell how I feel. Much like any other day, how it usually is, I nodded my head and turned my gaze back at the screen. With a heavy heart, I tell him my customary phrase,  
  
“I understand Grandfather.”_  
  
“Are you thirsty?” Minegishi-san suddenly asked, causing me to look back at her confusedly. She pointed at the empty can in my hand. “If you are, I can buy you one.”  
  
“Uh n-n-no.” I shook my head as I stammered before looked away, my face flaring a bit. “I’m n-not thirsty…j-just… I was just…thinking of th-throwing it…” I admitted foolishly. She will probably think I’m weird now. And after that she’s going to tell my roommate and…  
  
I let out a soft sigh, thinking of how my roommate would react. She would most definitely say—  
  
“—well we better hurry because the guy is getting away!”  
  
…um what?  
  
Before I can look at Minegishi-san, she surprisingly grabbed my hand and began pulling me to run.   
  
“Wh-why are w-w-we…?”  
  
“Hurry Haruna-chan!” She exclaimed as she continues to pull me. “A little more and we can aim and throw it at him!”  
  
…What?!  
  
“N-no! Minegishi-san! S-stop!” I said as I pulled her to stop. Thankfully, she did. She turned to me, looking at me confusedly. This is clearly a misunderstanding.  
  
I let out a sigh. “I d-didn’t mean that I would throw it at him. I meant that I want to throw it at the t-trashcan.”  
  
And the confusion disappears, a look of understanding as she nodded her head. “Ooohh.” But then her bearing ones again changed. She sheepishly smiles as she scratched the back of her head looking a bit embarrassed. “Sorry, I got used to being with Mariko that I thought you wanted to throw it at him.”  
  
Hearing that alarmed me a little. “Um…Sh-Shinoda-san would throw a can at a p-person…?”  
  
“There were times, yeah. But not because someone is littering. She did it a couple of times to grab someone’s attention.” She shrugged nonchalantly with a grin, like what she said is what normal people do, that it is a fun thing to do.   
  
Is it…?  
  
“I wouldn’t worry much about that though.” She assures me. “Mariko just does that whenever she’s angry. Extremely angry. Normally, she just…doesn’t care so you’re good.”  
  
“She…doesn’t care…?” I asked, tilting my head slightly.  
  
“Yeah, I mean, you must’ve seen how she was earlier which I’m sorry for on her behalf by the way.”  
  
I shook my head, giving her a nervous smile. “I-it’s okay. It didn’t b-bother me. It’s just…just…” I trailed frowning a little as I remember how Shinoda-san was. I saw it, the moment she didn’t care, but…  
 _  
Something crosses her face. Irritation. Next thing I know, she moves towards me, invading my space as she irritably calls out to God. She stares at me, our face inches apart. I leaned back a little feeling a bit disturbed. Her eyes, stayed on mine, probing, looking…curious. I can feel her breathing, the closeness of our face, her eyes…it’s making me extremely nervous that I couldn’t help but look down a bit to her lips.  
  
Her pink glossy lips…  
  
It felt wrong to stare at her lips that I quickly looked back at her eyes. It felt different. She wasn’t interested anymore. She quickly pulled up her walls. A defense mechanism. _  
  
…she was hiding.   
  
I saw it for a few seconds. Her eyes gave it away. I found it amazing though, he wall seemed…well built. Once it is up, all you see is just the emotionlessness in her. Cold, hollow, empty. It reminds me of my Grandfather’s eyes occasionally whenever I try to talk about something I saw outside. Something that reminds him how much I wanted to break free and explore the world more. He was just…trying to protect me. My Grandfather was trying to protect me from the world, Shinoda-san on the other hand…  
  
…who is she trying to protect?  
  
 _“Why won’t she come out, Grandfather?” I remember asking my Grandfather when I was 7 years old as I crouched the grassy ground of our front yard, trying to see the stray cat through the bushes a few feet from me.  
  
“You’re the unfamiliar to her, Haruna.” My Grandfather says as he stood beside me. “That’s why she won’t come out. She’s afraid you’ll hurt her.”  
  
The cat, with grey and white fur, looked at me with its cautious yellow eyes. I wanted to hold her, to comfort her and tell her that it’ll be okay. That I won’t hurt her so she can come out. But it stood still by the bushes, staring blankly at me.   
  
My words…it didn’t work.  
  
I felt a soft yet heavy pressure on my head, I glanced upward and found my Grandfather’s hand on top of my head. He looked down at me, wearing a warm smile. “Sometimes, words aren’t enough for someone to trust you, Haruna. It takes effort. It takes patience. Remember that.”   
  
And I did remember it. It continuously echoes inside me, causing me to act. If words aren’t enough, you have to put an effort and show them that you’re trustworthy. For the past couple of days, at that time, I offered half of my food to the stray cat, setting it on a small plate and placing it in front of the bushes. I remember being extremely happy after an hour later as I found the plate empty. It would give me hope that she was slowly trusting me.   
  
I made the effort.  
  
I remember crouching down and looking at her with a smile. Soon, I found myself talking to her, asking her how she was, telling her how I was. I remember how I didn’t tell her to come out of the bushes. How I didn’t whine for her to come out. How I didn’t care that she never responded.  
  
I was patient.  
  
Then one day, as I was placing her plate on the ground, she came out surprising me. She walked towards me and then began brushing her body against my legs as she purrs.   
  
It was enough. She trusts me.   
  
I smiled widely then crouched down and began petting her. I remember feeling her fur for the first time. It was so soft. She seem to like my touch as she continues to purr, seemingly urging me to continue. I remember thinking how pretty she was.  
  
Beautiful…_  
  
“What?” I hear Minegishi-san say causing me to realize that I was reminiscing openly in front of her. I blinked a couple of times and shook my head, trying to shake off the nostalgic feeling.  
  
“Wh-what…what?” I asked with a small frown. She looked to be…stunned and somehow that alarms me. Did I…say something weird…?  
  
“You said she was beautiful.” She pointed out, her eyebrow raised. “Your first impression of Mariko is that she’s beautiful?”  
  
My eyes instantly widened. My face quickly flared up. I said Shinoda-san was—  
  
“—Wh-What?”  
  
“You know what, it’s cool.” Minegishi-san says as she held up both her hands and took a step backward. “Yeah I’m used to hearing people call Mariko beautiful. And yeah, maybe she is and you think so as well—“  
  
I-I-I what?  
  
“—and that’s cool. Respect. It’s cool.”  
  
“Bu-bu-bu-but…I-I…” I stuttered, but I was unable to say what had happened as Minegishi-san placed bother her hands on my shoulder.  
  
“Hey, it’s okay. Calm down. Seriously.” She said with a comforting smile. “It’s okay if you think Mariko is beautiful. No harm done. So calm down, okay?”  
  
I opened my mouth.  
  
Say something. Explain everything.   
  
Still no words came.  
  
I closed my mouth. I looked away. I bit my lower lip. I blushed as I remembered Shinoda-san’s face a few inches from me...  
  
…and then I nodded, hesitantly. It was done.   
  
Shinoda-san is beautiful to me now even though it never really...crossed my mind.  
  
This is clearly a misunderstanding.


	3. Fleeting Stares.

  
There's a saying by Benjamin Franklin.  
  
'Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.'  
  
Since I was a child, my Grandfather would remind me of that whenever I would protest about sleeping early. He would come inside the study room—where I usually spend most of my time reading books—at exactly 8:45pm, pat my back gently to rouse me from reading and would tell me that I should sleep early and that I can continue to finish my book in the morning. I would object most times, telling him that I wasn’t sleepy, but he would have none of it. He’d shake his head, take my book, turn off the lamp on his study table and say that quote to me, “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.”  
  
Truthfully, I can’t remember if I opposed about it, telling him constantly that I just wasn’t sleepy. Probably the first few times, being just a child. Then I would relent, give in on his wishes, especially when he would raise his voice and glare intensely at me, telling me to follow him...or else…   
  
…that…that would be...  
  
…terrifying…  
  
“…mlorghpph…” I hear a soft mumble from across as I sat up from my bed. After rubbing my eyes from the sleep of my eyes, I reached out for the lamp on my bedside table and clicked it open. I blinked a few times, adjusting to the light before I proceeded to take my glasses and put them on. I turned to look at the window, noticing how the sun has yet to peer over Tokyo.  
  
“Quarter to five?” I mumbled to myself before reaching out my Grandmother’s watch that my Grandfather gave to me a few years ago. I looked at it resting on my palm, and couldn’t help but smile. My guess was 30 mins late as it reads 5:15am.   
  
“Close enough…” I whispered with a smile, thinking I was getting better at this little game I’ve sadly come up with. It is…sad when you think about it, but…  
  
 _“Don’t mind what other people may think about you. You are who you are and that itself is amazing. Believe me.”_  
  
I gently clenched my Grandmother’s watch as I thought back on Oshima-san’s words. “Right…” I mumbled again to myself, smiling a little. Feeling determined to not let this negative feeling get to me, I slowly pushed myself up to a sitting position and began stretching a little to awaken my sleepy muscles.  
  
“…urghmph…” I hear a grunt causing me to flinch in surprise. Turning to look at the other side, I saw my roommate turn to face me as she sleeps, mumbling. I blinked a few times, suddenly remembering how I met my roommate yesterday. That’s right. I have a roommate now.  
  
“Shinoda Mariko…” I mumbled to myself as I watch her grumble with a frown, scratching her cheek for a second. Watching her, it feels odd that I’m sleeping with another person in the same room. It’s odd and…different.  
  
Different is good…right?  
  
Smiling, I quietly stood up and made my bed. I glanced back at Shinoda-san to check if she’s still sleeping before I kneeled on the floor by my bed to say my morning prayer. I felt a bit guilty as I hurriedly talked to God, but I didn’t want my roommate to see me praying. The thought of her mocking me like yesterday enters my mind.  
  
With a tight smile, I stood up and glanced again at my sleeping roommate. I let out a sigh of relief upon seeing her sleeping soundly.  
  
“So much for being myself then.” I mumbled as I made my way to my bag and my drawer to get ready for the day. It took me almost an hour to get ready and was happy that I was quiet enough to not wake Shinoda-san. I took hold of my bag and was about to lift it to my shoulders when I heard another grunt from Shinoda-san. I flinched when I saw her sat up, eyes a bit open seemingly scanning her surroundings. She let out another grunt as she laid back down with her arm covering her eyes.  
  
“Stupid sun…” she grumbled, causing me to look at the cause of her irritation. The sunlight was shining through the window hitting her face.  
  
I bit my lip as I looked at the window then back at Shinoda-san who seemed to have fallen asleep again. Thinking it would be uncomfortable later on if I don’t do something, I walked towards my dresser and looked for something to cover the window. Thinking it would be best if I cover the window with something dark, I pulled out the black shirt Oshima-san gave me.  
  
“Faith, hope, love.” I muttered as I held up the shirt with a smile. I remember receiving this from Oshima-san when she visited us a year ago. She handed it to be with a beaming smile after she talks to my Grandfather saying that it reminded her of me when she was looking around. It made me wonder why a black shirt would remind her of me, but I didn’t ask as I thought it would be rude. It was a simple shirt, a bit fitting for my usual taste, but it was my favorite as it was comfortable to wear especially at night or whenever it is cold. Besides, it was one of the few gifts I received that isn’t…typical.  
  
Maybe…maybe Oshima-san gave it for that reason?  
  
“effinmph…” Another sudden grunt from Shinoda-san startled me, causing me to jump a little. I pressed my lips tight not wanting to let out a sound. Blinking a few times, I turned to look at Shinoda-san who was grumbling a little as she turned to the other side, facing the wall. She grabbed the pillow below her head and placed it on top of her head, covering it.  
  
That would be uncomfortable as well later on as well.  
  
I let out a sigh then turned to her window. It is a bit sad that I won’t be able to wear this shirt for a while, but at least Shinoda-san would be able to sleep properly.  
  
With a small smile, I carefully covered her window with my favorite shirt.  
  
  
\---  
  
  
It’s uncomfortable.  
  
The stares.  
The glances.  
The whispers.  
The laughs.  
  
It’s very uncomfortable.  
  
I hurriedly grabbed my things as soon as the professor dismissed us and quickly head out of the room. I kept my head down as I walked out of the building, ignoring the gaze and glances that I feel were directed at me. I know I shouldn’t think about it and that I should really listen to Oshima-san that it’s all in my head that I think people are staring at me, but I can’t help but think that. It’s suffocating being around a lot of people. Even though this is what I wanted. This is what I asked my Grandfather for.  
  
To be around other people and experience a lot of things.  
  
I let out a sigh of relief once I reached the quad, my pace slowing a little. Unsure of where I’m heading, I opened the book that I’m holding as I walk and looked at the map Oshima-san provided me. It will probably take me a couple of minutes to reach the building of my next class. I do have an hour though before that starts, so maybe I could visit the church by the English Building and—  
  
It was sudden and couldn’t help but let out a little ‘oof’ as I collided with another person, causing me to drop my books. Surprisingly, I got a glance on the person that I bumped into as the impact caused me to lean back. My eyes widen as did hers. It was my roommate.  
  
It was Shinoda-san.  
  
Maybe I didn’t realize how hard we collided that I only realized it when I lost my footing and balance. I closed my eyes tight as I know I will fall down. It’s silly, but at that moment—as I know I would make a fool of myself—I prayed for something that would likely happen.  
  
It’s stupid but…I prayed that Shinoda-san wouldn’t laugh at me.  
  
It was all so fast that I suddenly felt something wrap around my waist and pull me against something hard and…warm? An arm on my waist? I think so. The warmth though was fleeting, gone before I opened my eyes. I didn’t fall. I don’t think I will, yet I can’t seem to open my eyes and look. Maybe I was afraid of what I’ll see in front of me?  
  
“You okay?” I hear her ask as the arm around my waist disappears. Her hand suddenly rests on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze a moment later. That little gesture and hearing her voice tinged with worry caused me to slowly open my eyes.  
  
"Sh-Shinoda-san...?" Blinking a few times, I stammered even though I know it was her earlier. I then noticed how close we are standing to each other, causing my eyes to widen a little. I took a step back to reclaim both our personal spaces. My eyes quickly shifted to the ground feeling a bit embarrassed.  
  
"I'm sorry...I wasn't looking at where I'm going." I said, bowing a little. I glanced at her and found her looking a bit embarrassed herself. Somehow, seeing her like that made me feel a bit better.  
  
"It's okay.” She waved her hand casually. “I wasn't looking as well so we're both at fault here." She says before she began picking her things on the ground. I quickly followed as I crouched down. I see her pick up one of my book and she stares at it for a while before she stood up and held it for me to take.  
  
"Here."  
  
I quickly stood up bowing as an apology before taking hold of the book. Somehow my thumb brushed against her hand a little that I quickly pulled the book from her, nervously. Hopefully she doesn’t notice that. "Thank you and...I'm sorry again for what happened."  
  
"Do you always do that?" She suddenly asked, startling me a little. The question confused me though. Does she mean the little accident of me touching her hand? Because that was an accident. It’s a harmless accident, right?  
  
"Blushing I mean." She added.  
  
Oh. I’m…I’m blushing right now?  
  
"Wh-what?" I stammered, confused. I do feel nervous and warm. More so right now that she’s staring at me attentively. Is there something on my face?  
  
"You always blush.” She pointed out calmly as she continues to stare at me. “Is it because you're easily embarrassed or.....?"  
  
Feeling uncomfortable, I averted my eyes to the ground as I clutched my books against my chest tightly. I do feel embarrassed easily that would cause me to blush. But at this moment, I’m blushing mainly because Shinoda-san is staring at me. It’s nerve wracking to be stared at by Shinoda-san. Maybe it’s because—  
  
"Never mind." She says causing me to glance at her. She was smiling a little, like she thinks it’s silly to be asking questions like that. Regardless, it was the first time I see her smile. It wasn’t much but…  
  
 _“Your first impression of Mariko is that she’s beautiful?”_  
  
"Anyway, as painful as it is, it's nice bumping into you Kojima-san.” She says as she glanced at me for a brief moment before she turned and waved. “See you."  
  
I stare at her, unmoving as she walks away. I wasn’t expecting her to glanced back at me, so when she did, it startled me. I quickly turned and walked in the opposite direction. I frowned and tightened my hold on my books as I felt her eyes on me. She’s…watching me walk. It’s nerve wracking to be stared at by Shinoda-san. Maybe it’s because when she stares at you, you can see she’s genuinely curious. There’s life in her eyes. It’s fleeting, but it’s there. A few seconds that she isn’t hiding. Regardless of how brief it is, hopefully I could stare back and not hide as well…  
  
…so that I could get to know her better.


End file.
